Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Kids Say

Over my time as a sub, I have heard some pretty amazing things from the wide variety of students I've taught.  The following are some of the more hilarious quotes and stories from children of all ages.  Some stories include my thoughts at the time in italics.

Jr. High boy upon walking into the class and seeing a sub: What's your name?
Me: Mrs. Snyder
Boy: Aww man, she's married.

After explaining my name and who I was to a kindergarten class, a five year old with total sincerity: "Excuse me, Mrs. Spider, I have a questions.
In the student's defense, I did tell them that some students in the past had joked that my name sounded like 'Spider.'  I did however have a hard time refraining from laughing at the five year old.

High School Algebra Student: Mrs. Snyder you're the coolest sub ever!
Me: Why is that?
Student: Not only do you knit, but you also read XKCD!
This was quite possibly the coolest compliment ever.  Some times I worry that the older students will think I'm stupid or a complete dork for knitting.  If you have never read XKCD, you should go HERE!

The same day as XKCD guy:
Female Student: Subs are scary!
Me: Why is that?
Student: If you walk into class swearing a lot they look at me funny.
Me: Do you routinely come into classrooms swearing?
Student: Only on test days, or days we get tests back.  Or. . . yeah, pretty often.
This was after I heard XKCD guy tell me I was so awesome.  I was a little deflated to hear that I was not only cool, but also scary.  I think this made me ego inflation/deflation ratio for the day hit even.

Ninth grade students were in the computer lab starting a rough draft for an essay.  A small group had been talking a lot and laughing throughout the period.  I looked over about half way through the period and wasn't sure whether the girl was laughing, crying, or both.
Me(thinking I was being funny): Did someone poke out an eye?
Crying Girl: Yes!  I stabbed my eye with my pencil.
Well, it really is all fun and games until. . .

The next few quotes need a little explanation.  In elementary school there's that time at the end of the day where everyone gets ready to go home, does their clean-up jobs, and clears their desks.  As a sub, I never know how long this will take and usually make sure to give a little extra time for this just in case.  I wouldn't want anyone to miss a bus or anything!  So, when the students are ready to go and there's a few minutes left I play, "Ask Mrs. Snyder."  The rules are simple: I let the students ask me any question they want as long as it's school appropriate.  I get a lot of the same questions like "are you married," "How old are you" (always followed with a don't ask just anyone this question), and "what's your favorite color."  Sometimes I get really awesome questions or exchanges with students like these:

"Do you like cheese?"
I couldn't figure out how this student KNEW I liked cheese.  I'm pretty sure I'd given no indication of my cheese love affair.  Perhaps the student was psychic.

Student: Can you do magic?
Me: Well, sometimes I try to accio the remote control, but it hasn't worked yet.  I also have a wand in my purse that is also a pen.  That's as magical as I get.

and my all time favorite:
Student: Do you like clothes?
Me: Well, I like clothes in the sense that I don't like to go around naked.
Student: Some people do!
WOW!  A student that already knows about nudist colonies.  I am impressed at the thorough education these students are getting.

I'm sure I"ll have a whole plethora of new quotes to share soon.  It's things like this that makes coming to work fun.

4 comments:

  1. Thanks for the laugh... I'm sitting here on my break reading these. :)

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  2. My favorite remark was two years ago while I was teaching food cycle in a seventh grade science class. There was the typical pork from pigs, bacon from pigs, beef from cows, and milk from cows,. Then aftewards a student asked with the sweetest smile, "Where does gravy come from?" He had certainly found a food to love that his grandmother had made for him recently.

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    Replies
    1. HAHA, that's amazing! Children of all ages definitely leave us with wonderful insights into how their worlds work.

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