Ninja Move

I've discovered that I have ninja-like senses.  At the beginning of the school year I freaked a kid out because I heard his whispered (correct) answer to a question I asked.  I told him I had ninja ears!  Well, yesterday I found out these skills now also include ninja sight.

I was working for a music teacher that taught choir at three different schools.  Although my music skills aren't a zero, they are definitely far from a ten.  I was at the last school of the day: a junior high school that I do not particularly like.  I only taught concert choir there, and I had already taught  the lesson to another class; I figured it shouldn't be too bad.  I somehow made it through the fifteen minute teaching activity while constantly asking the students to stop talking with their neighbors. 

After the lesson, I thought the rest of the class should be a breeze since I was showing a movie.  A helpful student turned all the lights off which happened to drown the room in almost complete darkness.  Turning off all the lights was a mistake.  This classroom was extremely large.  The room was really two rooms with a large partition that was open creating one huge room.  My class was sitting at tables with tiered seating on one half of the classroom which faced the other half of the classroom.  The other half had a small stage with curtains partially hiding the stage area.   The movie hadn't even been going for five minutes when I saw the faint outline of a white coat heading toward the stage and behind the curtain.  At that time I decided to ignore the escaping student and I would take care of the deviant in a few minutes.  A minute later I saw another student's outline heading for the stage.  I knew I had to bust them now.  I quietly walked over to the bank of lights, turned on the row nearest the stage, and illuminated two girls crawling up a ramp that led behind the front curtain.  It was a complete deer in the headlights kind of moment.  They froze and slowly looked at my stern but devious face.  I simply said, "Principal's office.  Now."  They knew there was no escape.  They stood up, grabbed their belongings, and left to go to the office.  Then a third culprit, the one in the white coat, came out claiming she was trying to bring them back to the class.  "That is not your job.  You can now join them in the office."  She grudgingly followed the other students to the Principal's office.

I am now pretty amazed at my ninja sight.  I just happened to notice their shadows at the right moment.  It also made the rest of the class on their best behavior for the rest of the class period.  I kind of hope I don't get ninja scent next though because junior high boys are awfully smelly.

Kids Say

Over my time as a sub, I have heard some pretty amazing things from the wide variety of students I've taught.  The following are some of the more hilarious quotes and stories from children of all ages.  Some stories include my thoughts at the time in italics.

Jr. High boy upon walking into the class and seeing a sub: What's your name?
Me: Mrs. Snyder
Boy: Aww man, she's married.

After explaining my name and who I was to a kindergarten class, a five year old with total sincerity: "Excuse me, Mrs. Spider, I have a questions.
In the student's defense, I did tell them that some students in the past had joked that my name sounded like 'Spider.'  I did however have a hard time refraining from laughing at the five year old.

High School Algebra Student: Mrs. Snyder you're the coolest sub ever!
Me: Why is that?
Student: Not only do you knit, but you also read XKCD!
This was quite possibly the coolest compliment ever.  Some times I worry that the older students will think I'm stupid or a complete dork for knitting.  If you have never read XKCD, you should go HERE!

The same day as XKCD guy:
Female Student: Subs are scary!
Me: Why is that?
Student: If you walk into class swearing a lot they look at me funny.
Me: Do you routinely come into classrooms swearing?
Student: Only on test days, or days we get tests back.  Or. . . yeah, pretty often.
This was after I heard XKCD guy tell me I was so awesome.  I was a little deflated to hear that I was not only cool, but also scary.  I think this made me ego inflation/deflation ratio for the day hit even.

Ninth grade students were in the computer lab starting a rough draft for an essay.  A small group had been talking a lot and laughing throughout the period.  I looked over about half way through the period and wasn't sure whether the girl was laughing, crying, or both.
Me(thinking I was being funny): Did someone poke out an eye?
Crying Girl: Yes!  I stabbed my eye with my pencil.
Well, it really is all fun and games until. . .

The next few quotes need a little explanation.  In elementary school there's that time at the end of the day where everyone gets ready to go home, does their clean-up jobs, and clears their desks.  As a sub, I never know how long this will take and usually make sure to give a little extra time for this just in case.  I wouldn't want anyone to miss a bus or anything!  So, when the students are ready to go and there's a few minutes left I play, "Ask Mrs. Snyder."  The rules are simple: I let the students ask me any question they want as long as it's school appropriate.  I get a lot of the same questions like "are you married," "How old are you" (always followed with a don't ask just anyone this question), and "what's your favorite color."  Sometimes I get really awesome questions or exchanges with students like these:

"Do you like cheese?"
I couldn't figure out how this student KNEW I liked cheese.  I'm pretty sure I'd given no indication of my cheese love affair.  Perhaps the student was psychic.

Student: Can you do magic?
Me: Well, sometimes I try to accio the remote control, but it hasn't worked yet.  I also have a wand in my purse that is also a pen.  That's as magical as I get.

and my all time favorite:
Student: Do you like clothes?
Me: Well, I like clothes in the sense that I don't like to go around naked.
Student: Some people do!
WOW!  A student that already knows about nudist colonies.  I am impressed at the thorough education these students are getting.

I'm sure I"ll have a whole plethora of new quotes to share soon.  It's things like this that makes coming to work fun.

FIRE!

It finally happened.  I finally subbed for a class during a fire drill.  Well, not exactly a "drill."  There was not a scheduled fire drill, but sometimes strange things do happen.  I had made it successfully to fourth period without any major mishaps.  Technology was even obeying my every command today.  It really was too good to be true, and I should have expected that something big was going to happen.  I was half way through the class and the students had just settled into their assigned reading.  Then one loud beep.  There was a pause and I thought the alarm was just a mistake.  Then there was a second loud beep.  After two or three more intermittent beeps, the alarm began to wail in earnest.  Now it was buzzing with regularly accompanied by the blazing flash.  I tell the class to exit the building and follow protocol which I'm sure they've been trained to follow. 

I quickly look around the room searching for the emergency backpack, bucket, or whatever else I may have to bring me.  I spot a backpack on top of a bucket in the corner near the door and ask the nearest students which I'm supposed to take with me.  After a few varied answers the students seem to come to the conclusion that I only need to take the backpack.  I grab it, the attendance sheets for the class as well as the clipboard hanging above the backpack that looks important and follow the flow of students outside the building.

I shuffle through the pages of the clipboard hoping to find more detailed instructions as I follow the crowd around the building.  This would be the one day I didn't look for emergency procedures in the sub folder.  I locate the list of teachers and where they line-up on the football field and hear from the students around me that everyone is supposed to go to their second period class for attendance.  I locate a class roster and continue around the building wondering just how far the football field is from my classroom.  Turns out, all the classes on my side of the building have to go around the school, around  two sets of portables, down a path and into the football field which is behind the school.  I find my class on line number eight and ask the first student if everyone is in alphabetical order.  She informs me they don't have to line up in alphabetical order and that the teacher just marks them off the list.  I didn't bring a pencil.  I can't believe with all the stuff I grabbed I didn't get a pencil.  I finally find a student with one to borrow and go down the line asking all thirty kids what their name is so I can cross them off my list.  Turns out it's hard to hear names when 500 people are talking.  People also have a tendency to give you their first name when asked their name which is hard to find on an alphabetical list.  Somehow I make it through the list and find all my students and figure out to show the green sign instead of the red sign on my clipboard to show the administrators that the class is all here.

After a few minutes, I get the word that students should return to their fourth period class or lunch depending on where they were before the fire alarm.  On my return to the classroom I hear that the kitchen in the cafeteria was remodelled and an overly-sensitive smoke detector was put in an often smokey part of the kitchen.  This apparently wasn't the first false alarm of the school year.  I got all my students back to their classroom and somehow got them settled back into their reading for the last ten minutes of class.  Overall, I consider my first fire exercise to be a success, though I hope I'll remember a pencil next time.

It's All Coming back

For those of you keeping track (just me, I think) I have now logged over 100 days substituting.  I feel proud.

Now for the real part.  For some reason, I keep getting jobs teaching Math.  Even a lot of my recent elementary days seem to have the "big" lesson for the day be the math lesson.  I am proud to say that besides my current AP calculas job, I've been able to remember how to do maths (I decided to be British for that sentence because saying maths is fun)!  My high school math teachers would be so proud.  I've remembered how to plot points on a coordinate plane.  I've remembered how use alternate exterior angles to find out how big other angles are.  I think I've even managed to correct mistakes that some students were making on their homework.  I think I even missed doing proofs in geometry earlier this week (Given!!).

Now, I'm relatively sure that I'm not wanting to turn in my English degree and pursue the life of a mathematician (though "A Beautfiul Mind" does make that look fun).  I am just excited that I am at the point where I'm comforatable teaching almost anything.  I really don't worry that much about presentation anymore because usually I just know what will work.  I can relax and have fun with the lesson.  I made a roomfull fourth graders giggle as I taught them about decimals by usuing money.  Although I occasionally have the I've-never-done-this-so-don't-ask-me class (like today), I still feel confident that I'm not going to regrett my decision to accept that math teacher position.